vagina is talking i cant
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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