last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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