Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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