so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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