dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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