he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
