Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
