Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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