you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
