cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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