There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
