i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
