Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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