So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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