My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're like the curious george of whores
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
