Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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