Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
