Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
