Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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