You know, be my cock's hype man.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
