i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
