dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
