Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you would pick up someone in the library
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
