He disabled his match.com account in front of me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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