I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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