Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
