Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
