He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
