pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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