when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
