she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
