Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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