I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
