One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
