what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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