WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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