I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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