Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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