left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
