His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
