I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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