oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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