Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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