He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
