It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
