Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
