3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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