just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
