she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
