You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
