so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
