Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
