I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
