I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
