Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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