Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
