So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
