i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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