Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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