Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
