Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize