I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Panties = found
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