my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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