My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
